Monday, December 2, 2013

Small Time Satirical Gators Blogger Calls It Quits; No One Cares

Hey everybody, this is my 200th post on the site! YAY! Can you believe it? However, did you know The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman has been around since the start of the 2008 season? Well, it’s true, my friends. Granted, I wasn’t going by The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman in those days and I was only writing game recaps for my friends on Myspace (HA, outdated websites!), but that’s where this all began. Then in 2010, I decided to go public, thus TUG was born on a Facebook page to test the waters before diving into a full fledge blog. After that season ended, I joined Twitter and shortly after that, I started this site.

Three seasons and a lot of losses and laughs later, I’m here to tell you all that this is my final post as The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman. All things must come to an end, right? It’s time for me to move on and do something else. What that is, I still haven’t figured out. But, I feel like the time is right to step away from playing this character. And yes, The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman is a character. This is satire and if you thought any of this was real, I will pray for you. (Sadly, some did. Looking at you, Georgia Bulldogs fans!)

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Florida Fans Change Topic On Team's Season With, "Hey, Holy Shit! You See That Auburn Win?"

As the worst season since 1979 came to an end with a 37-7 drubbing by rival Florida State, Florida fans quickly deflected questions and comments about the Gators season by exclaiming, "Did you see that Auburn-Alabama finish? HOLY SHIT!"

"So, yeah, I'm at Buffalo Wild Wings with my friends watching the game, drinking beers, eating wings, and then that happened. The place went nuts. It was the most unreal ending I've ever seen. I still can't believe it happened. That's gotta be the greatest game in the history of college football. I don't think you can debate that. It was a rivalry game between the number one and four teams in the country. You've got Nick Saban, who's the greatest coach in college football today. Alabama's won three of the last four national titles. Auburn already had a miracle win over Georgia a few weeks ago. A shot at the SEC and national championships are on the line. I mean, I can't even fathom what happened. The odds of winning a game like that are astronomical. Unbelievable!" said Gators fan, Rich Bloomquist, when asked why the Gators sucked so much this season?

Thursday, November 28, 2013

scoutnig REport: Florieda State SUniverisy Semonmpes

Fouunded: I dont evne give a shit. Im drunk . this seasonb suckjs and i don;t care aymore. Ben drinking allk day. I say to myself, good tim to write scouying report. after this game, the se ason's over for Floirda. Shit, teh seasons been over for Flroida since dRsikel got injsured. and if it wasn't over thne, then it was over when Easely went down. I miss you, big murdrbear. Soooo , fuck you, FSU! You win! Farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt. litttle ferrrrt..,,,

loactoin: Florida' s taint

Lest famouS alum: All ofthem. they all suck. Fuck em. psssssst, come close  closser    closer... ...i hat you all.

Head oach: Jimbo Fisher. fuck you , buddy. yuo balding clown.grow some hari you jakckass.  oh, thatst right you can't i'm sorry, bet taht hurts. Hehhe

Strenghths: being dickfaces . ahahahah thsi is the best socuting repot ever. so funnhy. hey HEY   hey, you wannna know something> soemthimes when i'm durnkj and alone i cry cuz rreal men cry to. real men cry too. the big lewboskei said thet. wiser words nevwer spoeken.

weakneses: I don't kno, but teh Alabama crimsen tid are going to find evry single one ' of them on january 6. get ready biches. s=e-c! s-e-c s-eec-1

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Georgia Southern Lets Florida Keep $550,000 They Were To Receive For Agreeing To Play

The Georgia Southern Eagles walked into Ben Hill Griffin Stadium yesterday, then proceeded to run all over Florida Field. The Eagles amassed 429 rushing yards en route to a shocking 26-20 win over the sad, depleted, and comically bad Florida Gators. It was a big win for the Eagles program, their first ever over an FBS opponent, but one that, ultimately, left them feeling pity for the Gators players and coaches. Georgia Southern was set to receive $550,000 from Florida for playing the game, but decided Florida would be better off keeping the money because of their litany of problems.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Scouting Report: Georgia Southern University Eagles

Founded: 2004. Bought at an Ikea and assembled during a night of heavy drinking and yelling at the wife.

Location: Northern Georgia. I refuse to believe it's in southern Georgia. I bet it's one of them tricks like Eric the Red naming an uninhabitable land, Greenland, or naming your college South Florida even though it's in Tampa and nothing like south Florida besides the drugs and strip clubs.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Muschamp And Chalkboard Fight In Parking Lot Following Game

The Gators suffered their fifth straight loss on the season last night to the South Carolina Gamecocks. Despite the defeat, the depleted team who was down to their third string quarterback, showed a lot of fight and hung in the game until the very end. That fight was also evident in Will Muschamp who emerged from the locker room at halftime with a bandage on his fingers. He told reporters after the game that he punched a chalkboard.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Scouting Report: University of South Carolina Gamecocks

Founded: 1986. Originally built as a community center where all the local youths hungout and danced and mingled each weekend. But an old crusty politician by the name of Strom Thurmond came in and wanted to shut the place down and turn it into a college. What a square. The kids were upset about the news, but rallied together to save their community center by enlisting the help of new wave bands Flock of Seagulls, Tears For Fears, Glass Tiger, and Duran Duran, but only Tears For Fears showed up, but that was ok because they have that one song "Head Over Heels" that is the fucking bomb and was more than enough ammunition to save the center and send Grandpa Thurmond into an early retirement. The showdown was on. Tears For Fears took the stage and rocked the shit out of "Head Over Heels" as if that was ever in doubt. Not a dry pair of underwear in the room that night. Then, old ass Strom Thurmond strolled to the stage, grabbed the mic and said, "Y'all know you can fuck, drink, and do drugs in college just like y'all do here every weekend, right? And if you earn a scholarship, it's basically like we're paying you to do it." After that, everyone was on board with the community center being turned into a college. Tears For Fears had been defeated for the first time ever and never produced another song as masterful as "Head Over Heals" after that. So, we all have South Carolina to thank for that injustice. Dicks.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Guy Super Pissed He Has To Maintain 'Fire Muschamp' Twitter Account For At Least Another Year

Athletic director Jeremy Foley issued a statement today saying he is "a thousand percent" committed to head coach Will Muschamp. This news was a devastating blow to Fred Hankey who runs @Fire_Will_Muschamp, one of a half dozen Fire Will Muschamp accounts that exist on Twitter. With Muschamp's job secure through next season, Hankey now has to continue running the account for at least another year. A year that Hankey says he just doesn't have in him. "This news is bullshit! I don't have the time or energy to keep running this fucking account for another year. I wanted his ass fired now and I expected it to be fired this season. I can't maintain this level of irrational anger for another fucking year. Do you know how fucking draining it is to wake up EVERY GODDAMN DAY and tell the world on Twitter how much I hate Muschamp and that he's the worst fucking coach on the planet? It's exhausting! I could be spending my time doing so much other shit that makes me happy, but now I have to continue this shit for another year. Jeremy Foley needs to be fired. I would start a Fire Foley account, but that would just be twice the effort." As of this writing, Hankey's account had six followers. Four of which are spam accounts.