Scare the shit out of the children in your neighborhood by dressing up in this simple costume. Be sure to warm up your vocal chords before going out in public, then scream yourself hoarse at the world that done you wrong by yelling these classic Muschamp lines:
"YOU GUYS AIN'T GOT NO GUTS, MAN!"
"THROW THE FLAG!"
"GET YOUR ASS IN THE GAME!"
"YOUR GUTLESS!"What you need: Khakis. Blue Gator polo.
Bonus Points: Headset. Red contact lenses to strike fear in everyone. Chew on an Alka-Seltzer tablet to create optimum frothing at the mouth. Use a red marker to accentuate your neck veins. Hulk hands. A buddy to dress up as a ref and let you scream in his ear all night long.
2. The Bloated Corpse of Charlie Weis
This ghoulish ensemble is sure to disgust those around you.
What you need: Khakis. Blue Gator polo. Fat suit (if you're skinny). White makeup with a bluish-purple tint covering face. Dry blood coming out of ears. Black circles around the eyes.
Bonus Points: Sit on a cooler outside while handing out candy to children. Carry food with you. Literally throw a kitchen sink at a 'Bama fan.
3. Injured John Brantley
Gain the pity of your friends and have them beg you to get well soon, so you can come back to save the season.
What you need: White Florida hat. White Florida polo. Blue pants. Crutches. Right foot in a boot.
Bonus points: Place entire leg in cast. Be extremely vague about injury. Say it's only a leg injury. Curl up in the fetal position.
4. Chris Rainey, M.D.
This costume will automatically make you the smartest person in the room whether you have a medical degree or not. If a real emergency happens and someone asks, "Is there a doctor in the house?" you'll be there to answer confidently, "YES!" as you frantically and incompetently try to save this person's life before ultimately being responsible for their death.
What You Need: White lab coat. Stethoscope. See someone in pain, tell them they're not crying, so it must not be that bad. Smile a lot. Say crazy shit.
Bonus Points: Hand out lollipops. Run down the street juking out children. Challenge everyone to a race. Claim you won even if you didn't.
If any of my readers dress up as any of these costumes for Halloween, please upload a pic to either TUG's Facebook page or on Twitter and be sure to @ me and I might retweet it. If I get enough submissions, I'll post them here on the blog. Have a happy and safe Halloween, Gator fans!