Florida/Georgia Game Recap

Florida 20 - Georgia 24
Everbank Field
October 29, 2011

UF's Offense: Inside the mind of Charlie Weis: "My QB is back, it's time for Air Cheeseburger 2K11, bitches! Running game? Pffft, who needs a running game, am I right?" Pssst! You do, Charlie. You need a fucking running game or your offense is going to collapse and die every week from asphyxiation and not the fun kind of asphyxiation that involves your belt and a picture of a Sears catalog model. Nope, just regular ol' asphyxiation, where you suffocate under a pile of blankets because you're too dumb to simply sit up.

UF's Defense: THEY FORCED A TURNOVER! YIPPEE! HOORAY! EVERYONE GETS A PONY! They allowed 185 yards rushing and allowed Georgia to convert all three of their 4th down attempts, two of which, went for touchdowns. Everyone return your pony immediately.

UGA's Offense: This isn't how it's suppose to go, Mark Richt. You're suppose to come into this game with your butthole tighter than Joan Rivers' face and call a conservative gameplan and happily walk out with a loss. This is how it's been since you've been head coach. Not go for it on 4th down three times and succeed. Who do you think you are, Les Miles? Your brain doesn't have enough holes in it from multiple Q-Tip accidents to be Les Miles. Stop being something you're not and make things easy for Florida.

UGA's Defense: Todd Grantham is currently sitting in a bunker, stroking a hairless cat on his lap and laughing manically. And I just punched a hole in my wall because it needed one right next to the one I punched  after the Auburn game and below the one I punched after the LSU game, but across the room from the one I punched after the Alamamab game and around the corner from the one I punched 3 months ago because I was drunk and don't remember why, something to do with Nickelback, but my memory is fuzzy. I REALLY need to fix these holes in my walls. Spackle, spackle, spackle.

Player Of The Game: For the second consecutive game--no one. This was a full-blown cripple fight. Two abysmal teams slap fighting each other for 60 minutes. People pleading at home and in the stands for someone to shoot both of these teams in the head and end their misery. I could give the honor to Georgia linebacker Jarvis Jones, but I can't bring myself to admit a Georgia player played well. I'm a small man, but I can live with myself. Also, he abused Xavier Nixon for much of the night, which isn't that much of an accomplishment. Nixon has been a human turnstile this season. What happened, Xavier? So much promise as a freshman and now I begin to wonder if a potted plant would provide more protection for Florida's quarterback. I shouldn't single out Nixon. The entire offensive line was terrible. They allowed more penetration than Paris Hilton's underwear.

Quote Of The Game: "Fuck this game." -Everyone.

Notes: Six more players transferred after the game...John Brantley looked like he was running with a prosthetic leg, which is kinda funny when you think about it...Richt thanked God after the game. God denied any involvement and said he turned the game off midway through the 3rd quarter because, "it was dreadful."...Announced attendance was drunk...Up next: Florida returns home and will try desperately not to lose to Vanderbilt at 12:20 p.m. on Animal Planet.