Will Muschamp Responds To His Critics

As usual after a loss, there's a lot of vitriol and irrational analysis floating around the internet. Here to defuse it, is the head coach himself, Will Muschamp.

So, I wake up this morning and sit down to eat my usual breakfast of rawhide and charcoal, when I start perusing my favorite websites and come across this gem over at Alligator Army in their FanPosts section by some jackwagon named ParadigmShift35. What, scared to use your real name, son? Now, I love the Alligator Army, some real top-notch writing over there, but I can't believe they let some yahoo write drivel like that. When I read that post, it put me over the fucking edge. That's not the only post of that nature that I've read since Saturday's loss. I've been reading garbage like that all over the internet the past few days.

I should be preparing for LSU and their defense because they're probably going to murder one of my freshmen quarterbacks, but instead I'm responding to a bunch of faceless fuckwits hiding behind a computer and a screen name. 

You don't like that I closed practice to the public? Fuck you. You don't like the way I coach? Fuck you. You don't like that I scream at the officials? Fuck you. You don't like that I'm unwilling to specify injury information? Fuck you.

Guess what, nerds? I'm going to respond to that FanPost by fisking the shit out of it. Yeah, that's right, I know what the fuck fisking is. You thought I was just some dumb redneck coach that doesn't know shit about anything outside of football, didn't you? Well, fuck you again.

Why The Gators Should Fire Will Muschamp

Catchy title you have there. A real eye-grabber, but hey, whatever you gotta do to trick people into reading your trash, am I right?

This is just that point in the season when things have gone too far.  The Florida Gators are ranked 17th in the ESPN poll and just came off a soul crushing loss to The Alabama Crimson Tide.

Hmmm, I seem to recall Florida finished last season unranked, so I would think you'd be a little more appreciative that you're even fucking ranked right now. 

They held Chris Rainey and Jeff Demps to only 24 yards. A record of 4 - 1 is just not acceptable for Will Muschamp.

I've got 4 more wins than you'll ever have as a head coach.

The Alabama Crimson Tide soundly beat the Florida Gators 38 - 10 in The Swamp. We should never ever lose in the Swamp.

My cell phone should never ever drop a call. My kids should never ever wake me in the middle of the night because they're afraid of the dark. I should never ever have to pay $80 to see Toby Keith in concert. My life should never ever have any adversity. Shit happens. Deal with it.

Coach Weis said he was going to "throw the kitchen sink" at the Tide but obviously failed to do so. Despite the first play of the game in which John Brantley threw a bomb to Andre Debose, the Gators failed to put a significant amount of points on the board. With Weis' history, he should have put at least 50 on the Tide.

Weis says a lot of stupid shit. You're best not to listen to him. I don't. He starts talking about tight formations and post routes and blah, blah, blah, I just tune him out. Did you see Alabama's defense? They're fucking stacked. You try putting up 30 on them. 50? How many balloons of heroine ruptured in your ass? Because you're clearly high as fuck if you think anyone can score that much on them.

Sure, Jeff Demps may have been injured on a kick off return but Chris Rainey could not replace him effectively.Trent Richardson could not be stopped despite Dan Quinn loading the box. Coach Will Muschamp is responsible for the Offensive Line not protecting Brantley enough as well. John Brantley was later injured with a high ankle sprain. It's obvious we have the talent but just not the coaches to correct this.

I'm not responsible for shit on offense. That's why I hired Charlie, so he could handle all that shit, so I don't have to. And Dan Quinn had no problem loading your wife's box last night. Also, it's not my fault John Brantley can't take a hit. Boys these days have to toughen up. 

Another notable thing, Coach Will Muschamp shows almost no emotion on the sideline. It's like he doesn't even care.

I don't know if you're being sarcastic or serious. Either way you're a fucking moron and I'd punch you square in your dumb face if I ever saw you.

The Florida Gators should go after Coach Ron Prince or Coach Bud Kilmer from West Canaan Texas.

I don't know who the fuck either of those no-names are, but hey, if you want them, go get them. I'll take my ass some place where I'm wanted, like Georgia.

Do you know what the worst part about all of this is? Some people actually agree with the craziness I just wrote. I've seen it on twitter, blogs, and article comments. If you think Will Muschamp should be fired after one game against an extremely talented team in his first year, you may want to think about staying off the internet.

You're confusing the hell out of me, boy. But you and I agree on one thing--people should stay off the internet. Go outside and get some sun. Read a damn book instead of tweets. Do some hard labor and get some blisters on your hands and make something of yourself instead being a dickwad on a messageboard complaining about one fucking loss. I know you're pissed off. Well how do you think I feel? It's my fucking job, not yours, so don't worry about what I'm doing. I'm man enough to admit we got beat by a better team and it's my job to fix what's wrong. It'll get fixed. Quit overreacting to one damn game.

TROLLGAZE2K11

I don't know what the fuck this means. I only speak English. Is this a video game?

I'm done with this petty shit. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go hit Dominique Easley in the head with a hammer for being a dumbass.