Scouting Report: Florida State University Seminoles

We took your land, our bad. So, we're
gonna honor your legacy by using
your tribe's name as our nickname
and call it even. You're welcome.

Founded: 1873 by Joseph Harrison. He was the younger brother of Edward Harrison who founded the University of Florida three years earlier. Joseph had a massive inferiority complex and wanted to prove that his older brother wasn't the only one in the family who could start a university. He figured if he started a university for girls it would increase his chances of having sex and make his brother super duper jealous. Sadly, Joseph was ugly as sin and would go his whole life never knowing a woman's touch. In 1907, at the age of 68, he had an "aw, fuck it" moment and opened the school to males. Two days later he hired Bobby Bowden as the head coach of the school's football squad. Tired of living in his brother's shadow, he hung himself in 1930. Edward lived to be 112 years old and had a huge penis.

Location: Sauron's asshole.

Enrollment: 40,838. This just saddens me. Why would anyone waste 7 years of their life there?

Famous Alums: The two silicon implants attached to Jenn Sterger's chest.

Head Coach: Jimbo Fisher. 2nd season overall (17-8). Let's check in with Jimbo and see how he's doing...

That's a shame. Via The Key Play

Conference: FHSAA Class 2A

Season Record: 7-4. Hey, remember at the beginning of the year when Desmond Howard picked FSU to win the national championship and E.J. Manuel to win the Heisman? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! That was super.

Strengths: Choking.

Weaknesses: Taking a hint when it's time to can the program.

Player To Watch: E.J. Manuel. He was picked by some *COUGHdesmondhowardCOUGHLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLLL* to win the Heisman. So he has to  be good, you guys.

Fun Fact: Jenn Sterger's tits are haunted by the spirits of the Seminole Tribe.