Donovan Planning To Defend Fredette With Hookers And Caffeine

Alex Tyus stands in awe of Fredette while he pwns his
team right out of the first round of last year's tournament.

The Gators charge into the Sweet Sixteen this Thursday looking to exact revenge on the BYU Cougars and their star guard Jimmer Fredette. In last year's NCAA Tournament, Fredette lit Florida up to the tune of 37 points in the Cougars first round double-overtime victory. This year, Billy Donovan plans to put a full court press on Fredette off the court. "I'm gonna send him Candy and Champagne to his hotel room. And I'm not talking about the food and drink, those are the names of the hookers I'm hiring," he said. "They were highly recommended to me by Rick Pitino."

Gators Spring Practice Preview

Spring Practice Key Dates
-Begins: March 16 (You're not invited)
-Receivers Learn There Are Routes That Go Beyond 5 Yards: March 17 (You're still not invited)
-Ice Cream Social: March 20 (Guess what? You're not invited)
-Desmond Parks Gets Injured: March 23 (You won't see it because you're not invited)
-Class on "How To Defend Yourself Against A Bear Attack": March 28 (HA! You're not invited)
-Team Fights Bears: March 29 (You're invited! Just kidding. The fuck outta here, you're not invited)
-Scrimmage Against Local Prisoners (Welcome Back, Jamar Hornsby!): April 2 (Psst...you're not invited)
-Orange & Blue Game: April 9 (You're invited for reals this time, but watch for snipers)

Chris Martin To Host Prank Show

After pulling the wool over Gator Nation's eyes, linebacker Chris Martin has been offered his own prank show. The show will begin filming on April 10th, the day after Florida's Orange & Blue game. It's tentatively titled, The Figurative Finger with Chris Martin and is scheduled to air this summer on CBS in Two And A Half Men's time slot, Monday's at 9pm/est. "Chris' prank on Facebook was hilarious," said one CBS producer. "We contacted him immediately to pick his brain. He was very receptive to the concept and had a lot of great ideas for pranks. We think this show will be a huge hit amongst the key demographic of 18-35 year olds. We desperately need some younger viewers tuning into CBS." Martin was excited about his new show and is eager to begin filming. "I've got a lot of ideas, like announcing I'm transfering to FSU or faking my own death. It's going to be a lot of fun!"

Adam Allen Out Tonight Against Vandy

Scottie Wilbekin helps Allen off the
court following UF's win Tuesday night.

The career of forward Adam Allen is officially over. He has been ruled out for tonight's game against Vanderbilt. Billy Donovan revealed this morning that Allen tore all three major ligaments in both knees in Tuesday's win over Almlablma. In perhaps the most memorable Senior Night in O'Dome history, Allen, who's been plagued by knee injuries throughout his career, logged extensive seconds on the court Tuesday night for the first time since his freshman year. Although he knew something was wrong with his knees, he toughed it out for the final 25 seconds of the game. "I must have been walking too fast while I was dribbling the ball around. I shouldn't have been showboating like that," said Allen. "I felt both knees give away, but I was like, 'No, I'm going to finish this game.' I had to fight back tears." All six of Florida's losses this season have come when Adam Allen hasn't played. Chandler Parsons expressed sadness to hear that Allen's career was over, but reassured that Florida would rally together. "Trust me, we're gonna go out there tonight and beat Vandy for my man, AA."

An Excerpt From Will Muschamp's Upcoming Autobiography

Upon being hired at the University of Florida, head coach Will Muschamp asked me to help him write his autobiography. Here is an excerpt from the book entitled, Things That Make You Go 'Boom!'. The book is due out in Fall 2011.

"It was the proudest moment of my life up to that point. I was just a sophomore in high school. My nerves were shot. Sweat stinging my eyes. I knew the moment was going to be brief, but I had to make it count. There I was, face-to-face with my opponent. I got set and in those few seconds before our battle began, I felt this hostile tranquility blanket me. Everything around me disappeared and all I wanted to do was dominate the person standing directly in front of me. Every ounce of blood in my body was replaced with jet fuel and I was about to take off in a glorious display of rage and passion. I heard the faint sound of the whistle blow, as if it were miles away and it began. It was like watching two speeding locomotives slam into each other. There was an unfamiliar groan that sent shivers down my spine. I stood over the wreckage and smiled. Once you've had that taste for carnage, you want more. To feel your opponent wilt under your power is the purest form of ecstasy. Her name was Melissa and that's the story of how I lost my virginity."