Chigger Dan The Cane Fan Weighs In On The Miami Scandal

Editor's Note: For those unfamiliar with Chigger Dan, he has spent most of his life homeless. Although never medically diagnosed, he possibly suffers from multiple psychological disorders. He is an avid Miami Hurricanes fan even though he has never attended a game, nor does he know where the campus is located. He also knows absolutely nothing about football. From time-to-time I allow him to write for this blog against my better judgment. You can read previous posts from him on the TUG Facebook page here and here. He is crude and offensive. His views expressed here are not those of The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman or its parent company, Viacom.

Muschamp Closes Home Games To Public

When Will Muschamp was hired as head coach at the University of Florida, one of the first decisions he made was to close spring practice to the public. This was an unpopular decision for those that were anxious to see the new regime take their first step in molding this football team for the fall. Muschamp's reasoning was to keep the schemes he was installing under wraps from the public eye. This was also the reasoning behind closing the Gators' preseason camp this August.

Recap Of ESPN's Inside The Program With The Florida Gators

Throughout today, ESPN gained, as anchor Steve Buccigross put it, "unprecedented" access to the Florida football program. This access consisted mainly of live look-ins on Sportcenter. In case you missed anything, here is a recap of what transpired:

8:15am - Host and former Gator QB Jesse Palmer sips coffee and checks his watch.

9:15am - Palmer brags about the three good throws he made in his career at Florida.

9:45am - Palmer shows the world an empty closet.

10:15am - A shot of Will Muschamp sitting alone in his office reading the paper.

A-to-Z Guide For The 2011 College Football Season

The college football season is almost here, which means it's time to make some predictions. I'm a modern day Nostrildamus, but way better than that daft hack. Actually, I shouldn't call these predictions because I actually traveled into the future in a time machine I built powered by uranium, Four Loko, and sex appeal. This is a list of events that WILL happen with 100% certainty.