Founded: 1819 by Thomas Jefferson to prove to his deceased parents he wasn't a failure. He is most famous for being a slave owner and a huge fan of the French. He was also the first person to eat a hamburger between a donut. He never did much else with his life.
Location: Unknown
Enrollment: 20,554. Mostly crab people.
Famous Alum: Tina Fey. I've got nothing bad to say about her. I like her. You win this round UVA, but I'll be back. You'll see.
Conference: ACC? That's not a conference, THIS is a conference *pulls out huge knife that has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that I like to find excuses to show people my huge knife*
Head Coach: Tony Bennett. C'mon. Really? I bet you'll tell me next that they have a player named Michael Scott?.....WHHHHAAA???
Season Record: 22-9. Well, they're not Kentucky, so that's in Florida's favor.
Strengths: The Cavaliers really get after it on defense. Sometimes a little too much. Earlier this season against FSU, three defenders were pressing Michael Snaer when one of them accidentally slapped Snaer's penis while going for the ball. The ref blew the whistle to stop play for hilarity. All four players had a good laugh about it and formed a strong bond that day.
Weaknesses: They are very focused on winning the first and last five minutes of each half, but are unsure what they're playing for in the ten minutes between.
Player To Watch: Junior walk-on forward Angus Mitchell. He's averaging 0.0 ppg in 1.5 min/g, but he is a TENACIOUS fucking towel waver.
Fun Fact: The Travel and Tourism slogan for the state is "Virginia is for lovers". However, 72% of the state is unable to love due to mental illness or STDs.
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