Not much was pretty about Florida's 20-17 win over Texas A&M on Saturday. The Gators had to overcome injuries, sacks and their defense giving up 17 points and 269 yards of offense in the first half, but managed to come from behind in the second half to win a huge conference road game. The win was perhaps the biggest of Will Muschamp's career at Florida.
However, nothing was bigger than the turd Muschamp produced in a urinal of the visitors locker room after the game. The turd was a parting gift from the head coach to the people of College Station.
"There's your 12th man, Aggies," said an elated Muschamp. "I'm glad we don't have to go back to College Station for awhile. That place is death. The people are terrible. Did you hear them booing our players when they were injured? Don't let their welcoming southern accents and warmhearted traditions fool you. Those people are classless idiots who have a little brother complex just like FSU. The Longhorns should be happy they don't have to travel to that toilet bowl anymore."
The urinal deuce ends a heated week between the Aggies and Gators that saw trash-talking billboards appear in both Gainesville and College Station. This all began during the offseason when Muschamp remarked, "Have you ever been to College Station? It's the only time you'll go." This prompted a video response from the mayor of College Station and a gift basket was sent to Muschamp, who set the basket on fire and threw it down a well.
The first person to find the turd was 68 year old janitor, Herb Ritz. Like all good janitors, Ritz was completely unfazed by his discovery. "I've been doing this for 23 years. If you've seen one turd, you've seen 'em all," explained the wise old-timer. "This ain't even the worse one I seen. (Former Texas head coach) John Mackovic once brought a real live horse in here. The thing shit everywhere, like he fed it Ex-lax or somethin'. Then another time, Bo Pelini left a dead squirrel in here, but I don't know if he did that on purpose. I just think he was mad at the squirrel and choked it to death and didn't have time to clean up. That was different. Finding a dead animal."
A&M athletic director Eric Hyman was not pleased to hear about the turd in the urinal, calling it, "absolutely appalling," and demanding that Muschamp be reprimanded by the conference. An SEC spokesperson said they were looking into it and could not offer any further comment.
Notes: Injuries: Jeremy Brown (arm), Jeremy Brown (head), Jeremy Brown (knee), Jeremy Brown (groin), Jeremy Brown (knee), Jeremy Brown (knee)...Muschamp said the team wasn't intimidated by Kyle Field because they had a live aggie in a cage at practice this week...Jeff Driskel made his first career start and revealed his pregame ritual where he makes-out with his hot cheerleader girlfriend and everyone high fives him for the rest of his life...TE Kent Taylor did not travel with the team because he is wanted in Texas for numerous unpaid traffic tickets...Announced attendance was 12, but it was more like 11 because that last guy was kind of quiet in the second half and eventually left before the game was over...Next week: Florida travels to Knoxville to face Tennessee. The game is a 5:71 t.m. kickoff and will be aired on Al-Jazeera.