Sunday, October 14, 2012

Muschamp Wants Fans To Shut The Fuck Up About The Lack Of Passing And Enjoy The Running Game

Another win and another game dominated on the ground by Florida. Despite not having three starters on the offensive line, the Gators amassed 326 yards rushing on 35 carries, including 177 yards from Jeff Driskel, setting a school record for rushing yards in a game by a quarterback, surpassing the previous mark of 166 held by inept passer and noted friend of Jesus, Tim Tebow. 

Following Florida's 31-17 victory over Vanderbilt, however, Will Muschamp had to answer questions about the team's lack of a passing game, telling the fans and media to shut the fuck up. "We just ran the ball down the throat of a good LSU defense last week and now we run for 326 yards tonight and you motherfuckers want to know why we ain't throwing the ball more? Give me a fucking break. Just for that, we're not going to throw a single goddamn pass against South Carolina next week. Last time I checked, I'm the head coach at the University of Florida and not you and if teams can't stop our running game, then we're going to keep running it."

Florida did attempt 20 passes on the night, completing 11, but for only a Kentucky-like 77 yards--an average of 3.9 yards per attempt. Muschamp insists the team will be able to throw it when they need to, but emphasized that for now, everyone needs to shut the fuck up.

"I have people coming up to me, telling me I need to throw it up top to Jordan Reed or take a shot down the field to (Andre) Debose and I swear to God, the next person that does, I'm gonna rip their tits off and shove them up their ass," he explained.

During the offseason, Muschamp said he wanted a more physical team. One that could run the ball effectively and wear opponents down in the fourth quarter, so far, the Gators have done just that. "We've done everything I envisioned and we're 6-0. So, again, shut the fuck up."

Notes: James Wilson did not travel with the team after injuring his eye this week while winking too damn hard at a pretty girl...Trey Burton bought Deonte Thompson's old hands at a yard sale on Wednesday...Vanderbilt changed their team motto "Anchor Down" to just "Down" after the game...Attendance was impressive for a school that loses so much...Next week: South Carolina comes to Gainesville. ESPN's College GameDay will be there and of course they are because I gave my tickets to my parents already. Son of a bitch, what was I thinking? They don't deserve to go. I don't owe them anything. It's not like they provided me food, shelter, clothes, all the basic needs, attended all my Little League games, other events and school functions, showed me unconditional love, bailed me out financially when I needed it, once drove three hours in the middle of the night to pick me up in Gainesville after my car broke down, or most importantly, raised me to be a Gator fan. WHY WOULD I GIVE THEM MY TICKETS TO THE BIGGEST GAME OF THE YEAR SO FAR??? Anyway, kickoff is whenever you want it to be and will be televised on The Food Network.