Thursday, October 25, 2012

Scouting Report: University Of Georgia Bulldogs

Founded: Harold Fleming was a proud owner of a children's prison in Georgia. In fact, he ran the most efficient and respected children's prison in the state from 1775-1784, but one wrongful execution shut the prison down (times were different back then. In order to get a child executed in Georgia these days, you have to go through all sorts of red tape). The compound was turned over to the state and the politicians decided that rather than executing a child, why not give them a poor education instead? And in 1785 they did just that by establishing the University of Georgia.

Location: Athens, Georgia. During the Civil War, Major Gen. William Tecumseh Sherman was going to begin his famous rampage through Georgia in Athens, but upon setting foot in Athens, he noticed the city to already be in ruins. He asked his men if they or another army had already done this, to which one of his men replied, "Nope. God done this, sir." "Bully!" Sherman exclaimed. He pumped his fist and they marched on to Atlanta.

Famous Alum: Did Ryan Gosling graduate from UGA? No? Oh, thank God! I could never look at him the same if he did. I was soooooo worried when I went to Wikipedia. I was like, "OMG OMG OMG, please don't be on the list of notable alums! Please please please don't!" And he wasn't and I was all like, "YAY! I still love you, Ryan!"

Head Coach: Mark Richt (112-39 in 12 seasons, all at UGA). Is he on or off the hot seat this week? I always lose track.

Strengths: Disappointing their fans.

Weaknesses: Reading this sentence.

Player To Watch: The tunnel. You never know, but Herschel Walker may come running ouLOLOLOLOOLOLLOLLOLOLOLOLLOL, no, he's not.

Fun Fact: The Beastie Boys track, "Bobo On The Corner" was inspired by a Mike Bobo interception on a corner route in 1993.

Prediction: Florida 41-3. Georgia opens the game by driving down the field and kicking a field goal. The team storms the field to celebrate and Dominique Easley fights every last one of them, killing three players in the process. He and two-thirds of the Bulldogs roster are ejected and Easley later escapes any legal prosecution thanks to hotshot lawyer, Huntley Johnson. Florida has no trouble with a team of mostly walk-ons as they cruise to the SEC East title.