Saturday, February 2, 2013

The Do's And Don'ts For Recruiting

National Signing Day is only a few days away, February 6th to be exact. To this point, Florida has locked up much of their class and what a class it is! There's that one guy that throws the ball a long way. And that other guy who runs fast. And they got that one guy that we all really wanted who has all those stars. Man, this class is loaded! But, there are still some recruits out there that haven't committed to the University of Florida yet. I know, I'm just as shocked as you are. That's just crazy talk. Every recruit should want to play for Florida and if they don't, they are brain dead, probably from multiple concussions playing football. I'm here to offer some do's and don'ts for you, the fan, as we approach signing day.

DO tweet, Facebook, call, text, email every recruit you possibly can. How else are they going to know Florida loves them, if they don't hear from us? The coaches can't recruit these kids all day every day. There's only nine of them and the NCAA has rules and stuff in place to limit their contact. Ain't no rule saying fans can't contact recruits because I ripped that page out of the rule book, therefore it doesn't exist anymore. There are like a hundred million Gator fans, if we all send a recruit one message, there's no way he's going to sign elsewhere. That's just too much love and that's all these recruits want is attention and love. That's how they make their decisions because 18-year-old kids are dumb. Hey, I just received a text that Jalen Ramsey's at the McDonald's on West End Avenue in his hometown of Nashville, Tennessee. If there are any Gator fans in the area, hurry over there and tell him how much we need him. Which leads me to my next 'Do.'

DO give recruits gifts and/or money. If you see a recruit, give him something and let him know it's from Gator Nation. He'll remember that come signing day. Be humble about it, though. Make sure any money you give him is in an envelope labeled, "Not Money." If you buy him a car, don't make it too nice. You don't want to raise suspicion. Don't buy anything new, only used, but not older than an '08 model. Go with a sedan, like a Nissan Altima or Chevy Malibu. Nothing flashy, just a solid, dependable car. It lets the recruit know, we're depending on you. In addition, if you just happen to run into a recruit and you have nothing to give, offer to let him sleep with your wife, girlfriend, or sister for the night.

DO tell a kid he's garbage if he signs elsewhere. He's an idiot if chooses another school and he deserves to be berated by adults. Really let him know that we didn't want him anyway and that he's overrated. If he can't handle the verbal abuse, then it just shows he wasn't cut out to be a Florida Gator to begin with.

DO take off work on signing day. Let your boss know where your priorities are. If you're the boss, well, what are you worried about? Take the day off, hoss. You've earned it!

DO get drunk on signing day.

DON'T think for a second that stars and ranking don't matter, because they do. It's all that matters in recruiting. The future of the program hangs in the balance. If stars and rankings don't matter, then tell me again how many national championships Vanderbilt's won? Exactly. Florida won two national titles because they recruited the top 1% of 1%. Recruiting championships are as valuable as actual championships. I still proudly wear my Florida 2007 Rivals Recruiting Championship shirt. I don't want two and three star players at Florida and only recently, I have built up a slight tolerance for four star players. Sorry, but five stars only. This isn't Kentucky, it's the University of Florida--home to elite, can't-miss, five star recruits like Torrey Davis, Gary Brown, and Carl Moore. Everyone else can kick rocks.

DON'T let fans of other schools think their recruiting class is better than Florida's recruiting class. If their recruits were any good, they would've signed or even been offered by Florida. It's that simple.

DON'T get upset if this recruiting class doesn't produce right away, it usually takes three or four years to really juAHAHAHA, I'm just kidding. If they don't produce right away, then they're a bust. Who says I have to wait four years to truly evaluate a recruit? The minute they sign is when they begin to be judged. They're a stud until the first game of the season. They don't produce in the first game, they're a bust until they prove otherwise.

DON'T forget to get drunk on signing day.

Now, get out there and talk to some recruits and have a happy National Signing Day, everyone!