Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Gators Fans Out For Season After Slitting Wrists

The entire Florida Gators fanbase has been ruled out for the remainder of the season after collectively slitting their wrists Wednesday afternoon. This news comes after rumors surfaced this morning that star defensive tackle Dominique Easley may have a torn ACL that will end his season and possibly his career at the school.

Easley's injury is just the latest in a string of incidents since fall camp that led to the fanbase seeking solace in the cold steel of a razor blade slicing through their warm flesh. First came the news of season ending injuries to potential starters Andre Debose and Chaz Green in fall camp. Then a frustrating loss to Miami that saw Florida turn the ball over five times. Followed up by another season ending injury, this time to starting quarterback Jeff Driskel. The cumulative effects of all this misfortune, along with the nauseating thought of Florida possibly losing this coming Saturday to Kentucky was too much for Gators fans.

When asked about the entire fanbase slitting their wrists, Will Muschamp downplayed the injury by saying they "tweaked" their wrists, but wouldn't rule them out from being in the stands Saturday in Lexington.

"We have the best fans in the country. They've been battling through this just like we have. I'd be shocked to not see them give it a go Saturday. In any event, man down, man up," he said.

Unfortunately in this situation, the man that went down is dead with a slit wrist, as is the man who was supposed to come up and so on.